Author : Zoe Routh
What is guilt?Have you ever felt guilty for something you have or have not done? Maybe you ate the last muffin your husband was saving for dessert, or maybe you skipped the gym session you had been promising yourself to go to, or maybe you told your mother a falsehood to avoid a confrontation, or maybe you had an abortion ten years ago when you were in dire financial straits, or maybe you were rude to your next door neighbour...There are plenty of reasons people have for feeling 'guilty'. Guilt is a prevalent form of suffering for many people.The problem with feeling guilty is that the emotion tends to bind the person in the past. It anchors them in a negative emotional state and hinders any possibility of growth and healing for either themselves or anyone else they may have harmed.
Essentially, feeling guilty means feeling bad.When someone feels bad, they tend to attract more negative things and experiences in to their life, adding to the cycle of depression. Feeling bad does nothing to help the individual move forward or to heal past wrongs - real or imagined.Is there an alternative to feeling guilty?Punishment - Traditionally punishment has acted as a means to end guilt. Punishment is a sort of suffering in-kind. The problem with punishment is that it perpetuates the bad feelings. It is an 'eye for an eye' philosophy that leaves everyone half blind. It follows the premise, "I made you feel bad, therefore you will make me feel bad." It is a lose-lose proposition where everyone is a victim.Restoration - something provided as compensation. This can be a service, money, goods, or some other manner of restoring the good faith between individuals and communities. This is an 'eye for a tooth' philosophy where no one really gains. This is a lose-lose/win proposition where the perpetrator becomes the victim and the victim becomes the perpetrator. The bad feelings around the misdeed remain.Apology - this is an acknowledgment of the wrongdoing. An apology merely underscores that there was a misdeed. It puts all the focus on the misdeed rather on any form of healing.Remorse - this is regret and acknowledgement of the wrongdoing. It is a variation of feeling guilty. It is a form of self-punishment that again puts too much focus on the wrongful deed.Forgiveness - acknowledgement of the wrongdoing and an opportunity for a clean slate.Forgiveness is the most powerful tool out of all these methods of alleviating guilt and encouraging personal growth and healing. Forgiveness sends the message to the perpetrator that they are valued as a human being, part of the whole of humanity, regardless of their actions. It opens the door for the individual to live up to high expectations rather than living down to low expectations.Forgiveness is an expression of love, one of the purest forms of emotional energy and a powerful healing energy. Both the victim and perpetrator benefit from its flow.Can you really forgive heinous crimes?Forgiveness is not the same as condoning. Condoning implies a tacit acceptance of the crime. Forgiveness however allows compassion for someone who has perpetrated a terrible deed. Someone who commits rape, incest, murder, or torture for example must be so blocked from their own source of love that they must be a miserable being indeed. They must not feel love, or goodness, or joy, or any other healing powerful emotion. Theirs is a black and grim life.In fact, according to Wikipedia, "a psychopath is defined as someone who exhibits a lack of remorse or guilt in the face of wrongdoing. This is seen by psychologists as part of a lack of moral reasoning in comparison with the majority of humans, an inability to evaluate situations in a moral framework and an inability to develop emotional bonds with other people." They cannot feel love for themselves or for other people. They are blocked from its healing source.Imagine if you can feel compassion for someone who is so emotionally truncated from the rest of humanity, from their spiritual source, that they believe themselves to be separate from the world. They harm others not realising they are really harming themselves. What these people are most in need of is compassion and love, not penance, anger, hate, or blame. These kinds of emotions merely breed more of the same. If there is more compassion and love healing energy in the world, there will be less crime and misdeed.When you forgive, you allow the possibility for the person who has committed a misdeed to be able to contribute in a positive way to the world once more. Every individual is capable of returning to their spiritual source, if they are allowed the opportunity to do so. All human beings are part of this universe. Through compassion and forgiveness we help them to find their way back to this knowing.Lastly, do you need to forgive yourself? What self-loathing, guilt, or remorse are you hanging on to? When you continue to punish yourself you keep yourself stuck in negative emotions. Take whatever lessons you need to from your experience, then forgive yourself. Feel the compassion you have for others flow to you too. You too are a child of this universe - let yourself be part of it again.Cancer survivor Zoe Routh is the Head Coach at Inner Compass, a personal development organisation that helps busy professionals work less and achieve more. Inner Compass offers practical strategies and solutions to improve personal effectiveness and live an inspired life. http://www.innercompass.com.au
Keyword : guilt, remorse, punishment, love, forgiveness, retribution,
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